Purpose
I am confused. What is my purpose? What is the final outcome of my life? Why do I take psychology? I told Justyna few weeks ago that I am here to find the ‘happiness’ that people seek. Empowering people so they can live up to their potential. A self reflection on myself a while ago had clouded this purpose. Why? Looking back, I wasn’t progressing much in psychology. Yes, with the grades I’m achieving one can conclude that I’m doing just fine. Sad to say, all those grades does not reflect the quantity of knowledge I have in my brain. This realization hit me quiet hard. How then can I achieve my initial purpose with this amount of knowledge I have? Is everything I learned so far really contributes towards this noble act? What’s in it for me? In the past I would say “Seeing others progress is a satisfying emotional reward itself’. Then again, does this satisfaction would ensure my satisfaction till my death? Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) had said question is half of a knowledge. Then the more questions I have, the less knowledgeable I think I am.
What sparks this self reflection in the first place? A living wise man told me that I should write a book. How does my purpose fits his suggestion? Not only him who suggested such endeavor, a Professor from UBD also shared the same view. I came up with random titles such as “Happiness, the psychological perspective” or “Infinite potentials”. Chain of questions continued to form itself till my mind couldn’t take it anymore. There are many things that I think about. Is the knowledge I have stored in my LTM is the ‘right’ concept as suggested by those who informed me about it? Life is so confusing. I envy those who sees ‘going with the flow’ an enough principle to go through this life. For me, going with the flow is not enough, at least that I believe in right now. Reading books increased my understanding of this world, but does my understanding really reflects the truth set by Allah?
I debated about religion these days. Questioning things that others don’t dare to even speak of. However, after reading the book by Awliya Allah, Al Haddad, The gifts for Seekers, I realized that these religious questions are born out of my stupidity. I am questioning things based on my understanding at the superficial level. Hoping to penetrate this question into deeper level, a level where the gnostics have reached. Alas, I am not qualify to go that deep. I am to learn more. Read more. Praying to Allah that I’ll reach the state of Maarifatullah before I pass on to the next life. To achieve that I need a Guide. Those who have receive knowledge transmitted from Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him), having an understanding that is truly the ‘understanding’ that Allah wants us to have. I will devote myself to pursuing this mission fully after graduating. I will become courageous and will be in the presence of wise scholars. Like all previous Awliya’s way of acquiring their stations. If only I was braver back then during the summer, I might be less critical and would have cleared sense of what I want to do. Only met him once even though dad insisted that I should go alone. My timidity was a hindrance to acquiring knowledge.
Gosh I am babbling again. But then writing this down gives me a sense of clarification even though its small. Achieving my purpose by communicating and writing. Combining religion and scientific knowledge together to create a book that will help people achieve their happiness.I shall leave this matter like this for now. Allah will guide me towards the righteous path. This blog is created for me and its content is for me to decide. An online dairy that can be seen by the world. Till next time. Apologize to people who can’t comprehend my writing, like most people says “Psychology is indeed a nut subject’. : )
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